Falling Into The Run Away

After an argument with The He one Saturday afternoon, I began to experience a myriad of feelings…none of which were good. More and more these days, when I feel engulfed in those emotions of raw anger, bitterness, sadness and temper tantrum I often feel as if I am drowning…literally. Breath becomes shallow or non existent and I feel panicky. Trapped by water on all sides and there’s no way out. Except……maybe one.

In school, I hated running. In middle school particularly. Every Monday we would slip into our black shorts and gray tees and take it to the track. Four laps equaled a mile….and a straw. The objective was to get (4) straws. I usually got (2). I hated running. Fast forward to the glorious days of short skirts, go-go boots, and flag poles. We had to run and I hated that too. Super fast forward to September 2010 when my spirit was ill and apparently my marriage was too. I decided to step outside of normal and take on a challenge in which I could only make waves. I was going to run.

Running soon became that thing. You know, that thing you do when the world is closing in? It shuts the world out and turns the volume down. It creates a space no one else can enter, even if there are hundreds of people around. It’s….that thing.

Running is that thing for me. So often I feel panicky and breathless and so often I picture myself pounding the pavement. On Saturday, I did just that. I pictured myself running. Running far. Running steady. Running….away.

When I vented to Trinidad about the argument (which I sorta can’t remember now), we began talking about what made us feel stronger, calmer, capable, confident. Running does it all for me. I suffer from sadness–a pretty deep sadness on most days–but when I run…it lifts. The clouds part and the world is right again. I can see why people become addicted. I can see why people spend hours and money to do something that takes it’s toll on the body later. It’s that thing. It’s that thing to grab for…to fall for…to chase….


Freestyle Friday: It’s No Big Deal

So apparently, Freestyle Fridays have turned into dance party pauses…and when you think about it…that’s what Friday should be about anyway. Katy Perry does a great job of introducing a little fun into this serious situation called life with her latest dance party pause. Whenever I hear this song or see the video (especially the ice cream cone) I forget what is going on at the moment and giggle out loud.  It’s no big deal, after all, this is how we do 😛

“Just The Single Lady?”

I am lucky enough to have my work schedule to include being off on Fridays. When the kids were younger, I would spend my days off volunteering in the classroom or, when I operated Gemini Magazine, I would spend it doing layouts, writing stories, setting up interviews & trying to figure out how to make money (that last one literally took hours). As they grew older and their schedules got longer, I spent Fridays cleaning up, running errands or working out. These days….I just spend it on the couch watching movies from the Redbox.

Last Friday morning after I dropped the kids off at school, I decided to treat myself to breakfast. Most mornings I am either eating eggs or yogurt washing it down with cucumber water, but I wanted to be “bad”. Pancakes sounded bad enough.

I thought about going downtown and enjoying the morning rush with a side of fried flour & liquid sugar, but being that gas is like liquid gold I opted for a new spot on my side of town. A diner of sorts.

It was relatively empty except for a few people snuggled in booths. I was seated near the waitress station and was immediately greeted by a waitress in training. She took my coffee order and went back to the station. Apparently, there was some confusion about who the coffee was for.

“Who’s that coffee for?” One asked
“The single table,” my waitress answered. “The single lady.”
Another came. “Who’s got the single lady?”
“Who? Just the single lady? Right there?” Another asked.

The conversation went on for a couple more minutes until they got it all straightened out. The coffee was for the single lady…just the single lady.

Eating alone, watching movies alone, walking alone, sitting alone, or doing any other activity alone doesn’t phase me at all. Mommy doesn’t feel comfortable going to the movies alone and I have a few friends who can’t phantom eating alone, but it has never bothered me…probably because I am a loner by nature (only child)…but this morning I felt like walking back to the waitress station and asking them to at least call me by my name.

I started giggling after the vision of storming into the station played out in my head, and decided that being ‘just the single lady’ was fine by me. It’s just one more title I can add to my list. Mom, daughter, friend, ex wife, records clerk…just the single lady.