Hairy Situation

Hair, to most women, is their crowning glory. Why else would we spend nights sleeping sitting up? Or spending hundreds of dollars to sew on someone else’s hair to their heads? Hair is important. It makes a woman feel…super. So why in the world did this woman cut hers off?

Last year (or the year before–I dunno–my life is a blur) I went completely natural, mostly because I could not really afford to get my hair done.  I was also working out like a maniac and moisture plus relaxer equals beauty parlor much much sooner than anticipated. The decision was not met well with The He, but once I set my mind to something I do it.

The ultimate end to the story was that when my hair was natural I was happy. I felt good. I felt less pressure to be something someone else wanted but then….something happened. The He found a new She and when my gut said something was wrong with our “happy” little life I doubted myself. I doubted what I wanted. When The He said he was no longer attracted to me because of my hair….I marched straight to the salon and relaxed it. I was miserable.

Here I am, almost a year from the day I changed myself for the liking of someone else, back to natural. Again, it wasn’t intentional. I am also back to working out like a maniac and (again) I cannot afford to get it done. Here I am, almost a year from the day my heart was ripped from my chest, back to being me.

Last night, I got up off the couch, grabbed a pair of scissors, and cut away what was left of someone else’s idea of what made me attractive. I cut away the shame of physically changing myself for another person. I cut away the hurt and the brokenness and stepped a little closer to The Me. I cut away the reminder that what others perceive as beautiful has no bearing on my actual beauty. I cut away everyone else and finally…finally…saw just little old me. And, oh, how beautiful she is with her short, curly, salt & pepper crown.

~SM

Freestyle Friday: Dat Bass

There’s nothing like having a dance party on a Friday. It helps you move into the rest of the weekend pretty easily. And what better song to bump that bass to than Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass. When I first heard it on the radio I danced the entire 3 minutes falling in love with the message. At this stage in this particular game I am playing, a quick pick me up and reminder that I am beautiful just as I am is much needed. Happy Friday!

Today I AM: Okay

Today I AM okay. Not every day has to be something. Some days are just plain ol’ okay kinda days. It is alright to neither be happy, sad, joyous, angry, busy, lazy, sleepy or energetic. Sometimes, it is just fine and dandy to simply be okay.

~SM

Mind Games Pt. II

Eh-hem. Ladies and gents, I am sorta embarrassed to announce that yes…..it was indeed all in my head. *sigh*

As it turns out (or at least I am taking a giant leap in assuming), the hot, steamy love affair with Cutie #1 was all in my head. I mean, ok, we already established that 85% of it was in the squishy bits between the ears, but the other 15% was full of possibility. Yea, so I think the possibility percentage is now a big fat 0.

No, I never did actually talk to him and yes, this whole thing is a little weird, but I have decided to cut my losses anyway. Listen, at the rate of sounding like a complete narcissist, I am actually pretty amazing. I have issues, I do, but overall I am pretty much the shit. Yea. It’s true. I cannot possibly keep running around having torrid love affairs in my head with a guy who barely speaks–I am so much better than that.

Thankfully, this little mind game session has taught me a very valuable lesson. You don’t have to put up with anything you don’t want. Period. Well, that and you will know when someone is interested in you. They leave little clues like, oh I dunno, saying ‘hi’ and actually having a flirty conversation.

It is unfortunate I have to break up with him though. We never even got to first base. Oh well…I hope he doesn’t take it too bad 😛

~SM