Weddings, marriages, vows, ’til death do us part’ has left a sour taste in my mouth. Promises to God first, one another second, seems to be some sort of fairy tale our grandparents and their parents told through black and white grainy photos–smiles beaming under fedoras and church furs. The spouse caring for the other beyond their own selfish needs and wants seems to be nothing more than a bedtime story told to children in shapes of handsome Princes doting on beautiful Princesses–super heroes saving the world for more than just humanity, but for love. Marriage, vows, ‘to honor and obey’ left me feeling cold and bitter….until….
If I may be honest, I hate weddings. I always have. The whole ceremony seems for the benefit of others. The celebration is more about the guests than the people making the commitment. Her dress, the cake, his men, her girls….it seems to be a show. I have been to several and participated in a couple (both of which have ended in divorce…not sure how to feel about that) and it all feels the same. An expensive show with little real thought about the next 364 days.
This past weekend I made the trek to attend a wedding. It wasn’t just any wedding, though. My brother was getting married. No matter how much I abhor weddings, I was not going to miss this one. I sat in a garden chair trying to ignore The He as he walked down the isle and stood beside the other groomsmen stealing glances in my direction. I watched the beautiful bride with her fiery red curls make her way up to her groom, both all smiles. My mother leaned over and whispered how she had never seen a bride so happy and suddenly bitter became nothing short of amazement.
She was one of the happiest brides I had ever seen, too. He was one of the surest grooms I had ever seen. There was no nervousness, no sweaty, clammy, thick tongued exchanges. No one else was there–just him, just her, just God. It got me wondering if I was wrong for feeling so angry…so bitter. I watched them through out the evening and saw how insanely ready they were to just….be. Be together. Be one. Be under God. Be forever. Can love be that? Can marriage, vows, ‘to have and to hold’ be that? It scares me to say I want that so I won’t, but my perspective on it has certainly been clouded a bit more.