A colleague of mine sent me a text one day and said while she enjoyed the FB posts, she felt as if I was riding too heavily on the “I don’t have” train. She told me I should speak positively and expect all that God is readily presenting me with. The next day, she posted an inspirational word from Joel Osteen about…well…what else? God’s favor. For a week after that I was inundated with the numbers 11, 111, and 1111. When I woke up at 1:11 am I decided I had had enough. What gives?! After some careful research, people who believe in Angel Numbers, feel as though it is (if I may paraphrase terribly here) the Universe taking a snapshot of your thoughts and bringing what you are thinking/wanting to pass–and quickly. It doesn’t take long for me to get it (except in this case…it took me like a whole week). I choose favor.
So how exactly does one choose favor? My guess is that you just do. You wake up with the spirit of expectation and you have the faith to live in it even if nothing comes from it. God is all around us. For those of us who are more enlightened than others (think Tolle and Zuchav), our spirits are already open books. For those of us who are a little less enlightened than others (yea…you can think of me in this case), the world (or devil–whichever you prefer) has a good old time shutting us down and making us cry in the corner of the shower (or is that just me). And while I do believe life is about more than the black and white of things, in this case there is no gray. You either live in His world or you don’t.
For the past few weeks, I think I have been choosing the latter–subconsciously that is. I mean really–who consciously chooses to live in a fog of ‘can’t won’t shouldn’t wouldn’t couldn’t don’t’? I think what happened to me was the waiting out the ready–the transcendence of flesh. We have discussed this before–my mind and my spirit are 10 light years away while my circumstances and flesh are still struggling to catch up. It is hard to believe in positivity, divine expectation and favor when you struggle with something you can feel deep down inside but not touch. Quite honestly, it is hard to believe in much of anything except plain old black and white when you have a quarter of a tank to last you 7 days and $5 in your pocket for the next two weeks. It is harsh to be in a constant fight for your life when you are being attacked and misread and misused by those you thought were suppose to love you.
An old friend of mine told me recently I was a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for. I think about that often. I suppose that is why when the colleague encouraged me and my angels decided to tap on my shoulder at 1:11 am, I chose to fight. I am a fighter, after all. It is what I seem to have done always.
I won’t promise to always be the most positive chica in the bunch nor do I promise to make it to enlightened status. But what I can definitely say is when things stop working or when I can’t pay rent or when all I can do is imagine the more, I will choose favor and just hand it over to God and let Him work it out. He always does…I should no longer be surprised.
~SM
Being Sadie May 