Tag Archives: love

Twisted Love

When I was a teenager, we had a cat named Dusty. He was an inside/outside kinda guy. On his outdoor excursions, he would bring us gifts. Running up the porch steps only to be halted by a dead bird is definitely not the best greeting. For me, it was gross. For him, though, it was love. Twisted, yea, but cats are special like that. After a while, I got used to his dead little woodland gifts. I found a way to let go of my perceptions and accepted his.

People can be Dustys. They go out and plop dead stuff on the Welcome mat. “Welcome,” they say, “I love you. See?” If you are smart, you roll with it. You pick it up and toss it in the neighbor’s bushes, always giving them the side eye. If you are too hung up on how wrong it is, you leave it to rot and decay. The stink rising to greet you day in and day out. I am guilty of letting other’s Dusty-gifts sit and stew until the stink was unbearable. Stubborn to the core.

Letting go is not my strong suit. I hold onto everything for far too long. But I can be the bigger person. I have proof. I can also be pretty petty (for which I also have proof). In the end, I suppose it is all about letting go of my perception and let others have theirs. What is right and what I feel is right does not negate the fact that from their vantage point they see right, too. Their right is stupid (btw), but who am I to judge? If I let go…If I unclench my fists and rest my heart, I won’t have to smell the stink. I can just chuck it up to a twisted kind of love, toss it over the fence and carry on.

~SM

Loving Longtime

My parents celebrated forty-one years of marriage recently. Forty. One. That does not even count the years of dating. For forty-one years, this man and woman have endured sickness, health, wife-strikes (which will go down in history as the best ever), bad gifts, amazing surprises, yours truly and three grandchildren. For forty-one years this man has loved this woman, and this woman has loved this man. They have weathered big storms, both literal and figurative, losses and gains. They not only grew up together, but they grew together. For more than half their lives they have loved one another in light and in dark.

It takes more than human strength not to wrap your hands around a neck and squeeze, especially after enduring their bs on a daily. Just hearing them cough can send a person into fits of crazy, but somehow people manage. If flesh was in charge, we would all be under the jailhouse. Thank God it isn’t. Thank God we get to choose love, or shall I say, love chooses us. It sneaks in when we know little more than our mother’s voices and builds a foundation.

Love is a tricky thing. Love endures what we can’t. Love cleans up Stomachbugmagedon hot dog vomit out of the bathroom sink. Love invites forgiveness to sit at the table for birthdays and family dinners. It stands in the cold and rain just for a glimpse of a dream. It brunches on Sundays no matter how exhausted or how long the to-do list may be. Love stands in the gap when we choose not to.

I watch my parents interact. They move quietly around one another, their history and their love filling an entire room. It really is that simple, isn’t it? No extras or absurd rules and judgments. No special colored glasses. Just…love. In its most natural form, it can fill a room and there will still be more left to give.

I am learning, how to operate in love fully. If you have been with me during rush hour you know I have a ways to go, but I am a work in progress. Right now my heart is full with just enough love for myself and The Family, but someday it will grow three sizes (and I might even find the strength of ten Sadie’s plus two). I am taking a page out of The Parents’ playbook. They have endured much, both individually and collectively, but at the very root of it all is love. And in the quiet moments, they show it–no boasting, no impatience, no selfishness–just love.

~SM

Happy Anniversary Sadie May!

Whelp…we made it. We made it through The Split, The Boy’s and The Girl’s antics. We made it through the confusion of Life and the possibility of New Love. We moved out of our old home and tipped our hats to good times. We had discussions about sweaty armpits and naked vaginas. We grew a little stronger as time passed. We learned that thinking too much is definitely not a good thing. It has been a fun, full ride. We made it.

A lot can happen in a year. It is safe to say not only did I manage to pack away a marriage, but I also opened myself up to love again. I managed to grow up a little and be okay with who I grew into. A lot can happen in 365 days.

Kay, a good running buddy of mine, suggested (well…pushed is more like it) I write in this arena. I am so glad she did. She said it would do me some good to get it all out. I can’t say she was wrong. I am pretty sure you don’t always want to hear about what goes on in my life. There are real life tragedies happening out there everyday. Reading about random things like what to wear on a first date or wearing The Boy’s deodorant is not exactly life changing. But just knowing that you stuck around to take a peek anyway means the world.

So, cheers to us because we made it! Here’s to another 365. Who knows what will happen next 😉

Yours Truly,

Sadie May