The Boy: A Born Day Love Letter

Boy,

Maybe one day, when you are old and gray (like me lol) you will come across this letter. I will not dare give it to you now, you will not be able to absorb most of what I am about to say.

God gives us choice, free will. He allows us to come and go, be and do as we see fit, and yet there are times in life (usually the big moments) He introduces us to something greater than ourselves. Such was the case with you.

Your father and I have not done everything right, but if we have done just the least little bit correct, it was having you and your sister. Most parents will look at their children and say they are cute or special, but for us this is not the case. You are truly special. It has been all over you, even before you were born.  I knew it watching you move from one side of my belly to the other. I knew it watching you attempt to run long before you learned to walk (or crawl for that matter). I knew it seeing you step onto the baseball field for the first time.

You have grown into an amazing young man with such love and such heart it is almost scary to think of you out in the world with such depth. Not everyone will see it, nor should they be privy to it. You may not always understand your own depth or your own emotions, and that is perfectly okay. God crafted you to be exactly who you are for the greater good. You, son, will forever serve the greater good if you keep yourself humble, thankful, loving, and giving.

Never stop growing. Always be a student of the game. Keep competing. Keep protecting. Keep striving. Keep pushing. Nothing can stop you from that which is divinely yours. People/Things will try to break your concentration…to change your tracks…but keep your head on and keep it clear. Hold onto your vision and you will, indeed, reach the prizes awaiting.

I am uncertain if you will ever become what you are hoping. I am uncertain if I will ever get to sit in the outfield, right behind you, watching you draped in pinstripes. I am uncertain if I will ever see you awarded for an honor or a broken record. I am uncertain of your path or your destination, but I am certain about one thing and this only: You are truly, deeply, unconditionally loved.

Yours Always,

Mommy

His Girl

I’m his girl. No, not in the girlfriend sorta way (that would be both disgusting and illegal), but in a I-will-never-be-far-from-his-heart kinda way. It is a scary thought–to think of yourself as a permanent fixture in someone’s heart. What if you break it? What if you make an irreversible mistake? What if you just simply don’t do the job right? What happens then? Am I still his girl then?

I noticed it one September evening as he stood on first base. I have seen him do it so many times I just forgot to notice. He picks me out of the crowd. No matter how large the crowd, no matter how far away I may be–he finds me. He sees me. There is a silent communication, once he finds me. Sometimes its a thumbs up on my part or a nod on his. Sometimes it is a roll of the eyes or a shrug of the shoulders, but no matter what–he sees me. I am his girl.

He stood on first base during an easy game. The kind of game where the coaches didn’t really say much to the boys, they just let them do what they came dressed to do. He stood there, his back to second, hands on hips and winked. He has been doing it for so long it never registered until just then. I had had a long, odd day of stress, sadness brushing the edges, and at that moment it all got lost. I was the only one that mattered for a split second and he saw me.

It occurred to me, right then, he would always see me even when he wouldn’t. He would begin to see his girlfriend or his wife or his daughter or his son vs. me and, one day, I will no longer occupy a seat in Life but in Heaven instead–yet I would always be a permanent fixture. I am his girl.

That is a huge job to carry out–the protection of the heart. It is a delicate affair of knowing which threads to cut and which to leave untouched…when to walk away and when to stand guard. On the way home from the game, as we talked girls and teenage relationships, he put his hand on my shoulder and thoughtfully said “My girl has to be just like you, Mommy.” He paused, I smiled unsure of what to say beyond ‘okay’, and then “…only….prettier.” I guess that says it all, doesn’t it?  😛

~SM